“Man in the Mirror”

Growing up in the 1980’s there was only one music star that was above all other music artists.  And that was Michael Jackson.  The music he was making in the eighties was the best and is timeless.  You can turn on the radio today and his music fits right in, as if it were created today.

Yes I had the black and red thriller jacket and the white sparkling glove.  And I wore it everywhere.  No shame here.  My first album was the “Thriller” album.  Yes millennial’s and generation “Z”. An album.  Those large circle disk things.  It required a needle to scroll across the disk and the music would play. That is how we listened to music back then. By the way.  I am thankful for todays technology.  A much better listening experience.

A song that had, and still has a strong message that he came out with in 1987 was “Man in the Mirror”.   I am not sure if I really understood the message at the time.  I was only eight or nine years old.  I do remember watching the music video.  Even at the young age, it evoked a response in my heart and in my head.  It really drew on the emotions of anyone who watched it.

It showed racism, it showed death of some of our countries best leaders and presidents, it showed homelessness, oppression, etc.  It also showed, great leaders men and women, who were interested in making a change.  It showed Martin Luther King, Jr., and John F. Kennedy, and numerous other people like Mother Theresa, who made it their cause to make it a change in whatever the cause was.

The music video, the lyrics to the song, and how Michael Jackson put all of his heart and soul into singing the song pulls a lot of emotion out of anyone who listens to it. What I appreciate most about the song is the message that is contained within it as well as the title.  It is a simple, but a very clear one.

The lyrics are below as well as a link to the actual music video.

Here is what I want to say though.  The song and the video are tackling a lot of the bigger worldwide issues that are very important.  Many of those issues that are in the video are still around thirty years later and were around before the video as well.

But remember, that every change starts with the man or woman in the mirror.  No matter how big or small the issue is.  One person can make a change if they decide to.

You can decide today to change your personal life.  You can decide today to make a career change.  You can decide today to make a life changing decision.  You can decide today to serve others.  You can decide today to give to the homeless. Give blood.  You name it.

Everything begins and ends with the man or woman in the mirror.

So as you look at yourself in the mirror today ask yourself “What are you going to do to make a difference in your life, someone else’s life, or make the world a better place?”  You can’t make changes with anything else or someone else until you are willing to make a change with yourself first.

You can watch the official music video here

I’m gonna make a change, for once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right…

As I turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs
A summer’s disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other on the wind ya’ know
’Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself, and then make a change)
(Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It’s time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel
to loan
Could it be really me, pretending that they’re
not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody’s broken heart
And a washed-out dream
(Washed-out dream)
They follow the pattern on the wind, ya’ see
’Cause they got no place to be
That’s why I’m starting with me
(Starting with me!)

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
(Ooh!)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(Ooh!)
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself and then make a change)

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
(Ooh!)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(Change his ways – ooh!)
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make that…
(Take a look at yourself and then make that…)
Change!

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror – Oh yeah!)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(Better change!)
No message could have been any clearer
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
(Take a look at yourself and then make the change)
(You gotta get it right, while you got the time)
(’Cause when you close your heart)
You can’t close your…your mind!
(Then you close your…mind!)
That man, that man, that man, that man
With that man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah!)
That man, that man, that man
I’m asking him to change his ways
(Better change!)
You know…that man
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself and then make a change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah
(Oh yeah!)
Gonna feel real good now!
Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah!
Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah
(Ooooh…)
Oh no, no no…
I’m gonna make a change
It’s gonna feel real good! Come on!
(Change…)
Just lift yourself
You know
You’ve gotta stop it. Yourself!
(Yeah! – Make that change!)
I’ve got to make that change, today!
Hoo!
(Man in the mirror)
You got to
You got to not let yourself… brother…
Hoo!
(Yeah! – Make that change)
You know – I’ve got to get that man, that man…
(Man in the mirror)
You’ve got to
You’ve got to move! Come on! Come on!
You got to…
Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!
(Yeah! – Make that change)
Stand up and lift yourself, now!
(Man in the mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah! – Make that change)
Gonna make that change…come on!
You know it!
You know it!
You know it!
You know…
(Change…)
Make that change. 

Written by Siedah Garrett, Glen Ballard • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group

To your success and your future.

 

 

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The number one reason you haven’t made any progress

For the last four or five years I have been involved in a lot of different businesses.  I started a business and I worked within a company.  Inside that company, I also had some other business ventures.  All of the things I was involved in I could say they were interrelated.  However, the fact that I had so many things going on, I couldn’t really focus on any one of them, and do it well.

You really can’t be good at multiple things.  You have to pick one thing and try to be great at it.  Once you become great at it, then you can try to diversify.

So about a year ago I turned to a colleague of mine who I seek information from on some of my business dealings. I went to them and was asking for some advice. At the time, I don’t think what they said was what I was expecting them to say.  However, it proved to be great advice and I remind myself of it daily.

They said to me, “Brian you can be successful at anything you want.  You are good at this, that, and this. However, you haven’t committed to any of them fully. You haven’t sold yourself out to one thing.  And until you totally sell yourself out, and fully commit to one thing, you will never have success.”

Honestly, I believe I may have softened it up a little.  However, you get the point of the message.  Here I was thinking I was doing the right things.  I was diversifying and exploring different options.  However, I never fully committed to any of them.  I was having marginal success at a lot of different things.  Marginal commitment will only get you marginal successes.

In my case this was the wake up call that I needed.  I needed to fully commit to one thing, and quit using the excuse of all of the things, to not accomplish any one thing. And that is what I have done.  And they were right.  As soon as I fully committed to one thing, I have had some huge successes with it.

Let me ask you.  Have you fully committed yet?  The answer is probably no.  You haven’t fully committed to losing that 20 or 30 lbs. If you have been working on it for longer than six months, you would have already lost it by now.

If it is saving more money that you committed to.  Let me ask you.  Have you saved any reasonable amount of money?  I mean reasonable to you.  Since I don’t know what that is.  Let me just say this.  Have you saved $10,000, $20,000, $30,000 dollars yet?  If not, you haven’t fully committed to saving.

What about cutting your debt.  How much have you cut?  If you have been working on this for six months or so.  You should easily have cut several thousand dollars. Easily.  Why haven’t you?  You are still eating out and spending on unnecessary things.

Regardless of your what the commitment is.  Have you made any progress?  Here it is August, well, three days from September.  You are nine months in to the new year.  How much progress have you made towards you goals?  If it is marginal.  Then let me just tell you.  You have had a marginal commitment to your goals.

If you want success in anything, a half commitment will only get you, at best a marginal result.  Lets face it.  Things are hard to accomplish.  You can put all of your effort in to something and only get a little bit of return.  So you can only imagine.  Well, you don’t have to imagine, because this is what you are doing.  But a half commitment will get you very little, if any, results.

My challenge for you is this.  Sell out.  Just like my colleague told me.  You have to fully commit to something and go all in on it.  You can’t take days off from it.  You have to be all in, all of the time.  This is the only way to success.  This is the only way to accomplish something you have never accomplished before.

Lastly, if you say you have been fully committed you are wrong.  You need to look again at your plan and say. Where have a I not been fully committed. I know it is hard, but you have to be honest with yourself.  Something has to be changed.

To your success and your future.

 

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The sh*t sandwich method leaders use and should stop, use this instead.

If you are like most leaders you are making your way in to work today and there is someone on your team that you need to give some hard feedback to at this very moment.  The chances are you have been delaying it for days at least, probably months, and some of you have been delaying it for years.

Why haven’t you done it yet?  There are a lot of reasons, maybe one of these are yours.

  • Because you are fearful of how they might respond.
  • You don’t want to hurt their feelings.
  • You just never do the hard things.
  • You are afraid that they will quit.
  • You keep telling yourself it really isn’t a big deal, but it keeps happening.
  • You say that they do so many other things well.
  • You are about to get promoted or quit so you are passing the buck.
  • You are waiting for it to resolve itself. (it won’t)
  • You don’t know how.

I am sure there are other reasons as well, but from my experience these are usually the reasons.

If you don’t know how, I am going to give you a process that you can apply today that will make this easy.  Now, unfortunately, courage doesn’t come with the process.  However, if you practice the process enough, overtime you will gain more courage because it will get easier and you will become more comfortable at doing it.

As the title states. A lot of leaders have been taught the shit sandwich approach.  I am not saying it is a horrible process, but it doesn’t always feel right.  This is where you give them some praise for something that they have done.  Then you tell them something that you want them to work on (feedback), and then you give them some more praise on something that they do. From my experience, this process can sometimes water down the feedback you are trying to provide.  I am not saying leaders should stop this altogether, I would just use caution when applying it especially with some of the bigger issues.

Now keep in mind, I don’t want you to only use the process below when you are giving what could be viewed as negative feedback only. You should also use this process, and do it quite frequently, to provide good feedback as well.

I have used this process and others for many years with great results. You can apply it to a subordinate, a peer, a child, etc.  This process has been credited to the Center for Creative Leadership, but everyone has their own spin on it.  You can see the framework below, but I would encourage you to modify it to make it work for you.

The process goes like this:  You want to tell the person about a situation that you recently witnessed that they did something.  I will give you an example here in a minute.  So you remind them of the recent situation.  You then tell them the behavior that you witnessed.  And then lastly, the impact that the behavior had on that situation.  Lastly, ask them their thought on the situation and then ask “what would we do differently the next time we are in that situation.

  • Situation
  • Behavior
  • Impact it has/had
  • What will you do differently next time.

Here is an example:

“Joe in our last meeting I noticed that when Joan was talking you cut her off several times, not allowing her to finish her thoughts on the project. (situation) By cutting her off (behavior) it doesn’t allow her to make her contribution to the project and we want everyones buy in on this project(impact). Did you realize you were doing that Joe?”  Joe responds. “In future meetings lets be sure we get everyones contribution to this project.

Maybe it is something a little more simple as showing up on time.

“Frank I have noticed that about every few days or so you have been coming in later and later to the office. Being late doesn’t allow you to plan accordingly for your day.  This impacts your productivity as well as the teams productivity. ”  I would then ask if something is going on that is causing this.  And then move to resolving the issue and discussing the consequences if this behavior continues.

Look, giving hard feedback is never easy, by using a process it will allow you to give it to them the way they need to hear it.

Apply this process today and let me know how it works for you.

To your success and your future.

 

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Why you and I have to quit relying on this one person

The chances are that at some time in your life you had to rely on the approval of one person, one individual, one decision maker that held YOUR fate in their hands.  Is this not the worse feeling in the world?

Lets go way back.  I was not the popular kid.  No, I was the kid that could get a long with just about everyone.  Sure, people naturally gravitated to me in some circles, while in others, I was nothing more than an outsider.   However, the playground is tough and children make it so.  And like every neighborhood, there are always a few kids that are more popular than the rest. Depending on how the wind is blowing any particular day your connection to the rest of the kids can rest on whether or not a very select few other kids want you to be part of the group or not.

I can remember many times, that I went home because I wasn’t chosen or included.  Luckily, as a kid the wind always can blow differently the next day.  So one day you are out, and the next day you are in.  However, there are always a few chosen kids that help decide this.

Then you grow up and you go to work. You are working at the local grocery store, fast-food restaurant, or retail store.  Mine was the fast food restaurant, McDonald’s, and the grocery store.

I was the hard worker, I did the right things, I always showed up early and stayed late.  However, none of that seemed to matter when you really wanted that day off to go to the football game, the concert, or the local state fair.  Nope.  When you asked for that day off, all of your hopes and dreams of seeing that awesome concert, or hanging out with your friends rested on one individual on whether you were going to get to do whatever it is you wanted to do.  Your immediate manager or some general manager of the store.

In many cases, the immediate manager would be a little bitch and say that the general manager said you couldn’t have the day off.  But you know and I know that many times, they were just scared to tell you themselves.

Then we get our first professional job and we think everything is going to be different. We have our credentials and we are now working in a company that values people and values our contributions.

After several years of commitment, dedication and hard work.  We finally have an opportunity to be promoted and make more money.  We know who the people are that will be interviewing us.  We know that we are the right person for the job.

Whether we get the job or we don’t.  We later find out that one person had the power in their hands to either give us the job that we wanted and we felt like we deserved.  Or this same person could crush us with one swoop by giving the job to someone else in our company or on our team.  Or even worse, hire someone from the outside.

All of these stories may be something you have experienced.  If not, I am sure you experienced something similar.  At one time or another, we have all had our fate resting in the hands of one person.

If you are in sales, I am sure the final decision on whether the sale was made or not made.  Or the consulting agreement signed or not signed, came down to one persons signature.

Or if you have ever interviewed for a job with a company.  Which is probably one of the most difficult.  Because many times you don’t even know who that one person is that will  either get you hired or prevent you from being hired.

So you go in blind trying to figure it out.  And in the end you either get the job, and later discover who that person was.  Or if you don’t get the position, you just go on wondering “Who was it” and what could you have done differently during the interview process.

Again, all of these scenarios are the same.  They have one person tied to the final decision. They are the final voice.  They are the make it or break it people.  That can either say “yes” and you get to go to the concert with the hot girl you have tried to take out for the last three years in high school.

If they say yes.  You get to play the game with all of your other friends that day.

They say yes.  And you get the promotion, the sale, the contract.

I don’t know about you, but I am sick of relying on one person to control my destiny.  I am sick of one person deciding whether my family gets to go on the vacation, or this year, it is another staycation.

I made the commitment years ago, that I will have freedom.  Freedom from all financial obligations that I don’t control.  Freedom from having to be around idiots.  You know who they are and what I mean.  No explanation is needed.

To get there we have to make the decision today and everyday that we will no longer rely on this one person to control anything in our life.  We will create a life with endless opportunities and possibilities and ultimate freedom and control.

Don’t put your hands in a select few any longer.  Create an abundance of opportunities for yourself and for your family.  You are in control, so take it.

I am committed to it, are you?

To your success and your future.

 

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The easiest way to create mental toughness

Do you talk to yourself?  Yes we all do.  Research shows that on average that we say 300-1000 words every minute to ourselves.  That is a lot of words.  The big question is what the heck are we saying?

I don’t know about you, but most of the time, I don’t think too much about what I am saying.  Since most of what we do on a daily basis is habitual.  According to Charles Duhigg in his best-selling book, “The Power Of Habit”.  He says that close to 40% of what we do every single day is driven by habit.  Meaning, we don’t have to think too much about it, if at all.  If this is the case, then we don’t do too much talking to ourselves to get us through those daily actions.

The actions that require us to think are the ones that we must talk ourselves through.  The actions that are hard, the actions that are different, the actions that push us more, the actions that are challenging.  The conversations we have with ourselves during these daily activities are what require us to have mental toughness.

The Navy Seals.  We all know them.  We all know they are badass.  In an effort to increase graduation rate amongst Navy Seal trainees the United States government commissioned a group of psychologist and neuroscientists to study what do successful graduates of the Navy Seals Academy do versus the ones who drop out?

It has been well documented that most trainees drop out in the academy during the drowning test.  This is where the trainees are put underwater with their oxygen equipment on and the instructors then mess with them and create obstacles for the trainees, by turning off their air.  By flipping their face masks off.  Most of the time spent in the water, the trainees are without air.  Their natural instincts are to come up for air, but this would disqualify them.  Psychologists state that we as humans have developed a very primal instinct to be fearful of water, because the loss of breath and air, as you know, feels very scary and our natural instinct is to get air.

One of the things that they psychologists and neuroscientists found, was that the Navy Seals who were really good at talking to themselves positively were the ones who could get through the water test as well as the other mental and physical activities.  Those trainees that tell themselves that this is only temporary and will be over soon.  Those who tell themselves to keep going, you can do it.  As I stated earlier, what you are saying to yourself during these moments when you are being pushed and challenged is what makes a great Navy Seal, or someone who has dropped out.

I can speak from my own experience as well.  As a runner who has run several half-marathons and other distance races.  I have found that a majority of the time when I don’t finish the race in the time I wanted to, it wasn’t because my legs gave out or the conditions weren’t right.  No. Instead, it was my brain telling my to quit.

I would tell myself, things like, “Who cares if you hit that time now”, “The conditions today were bad, that can be your excuse”, “You have already accomplished more than most.”.  When all of this chatting starts happening in my head there have been times I would push through and have a great race, and there has been other times were I have succumbed to the chatter and didn’t accomplish what I had wanted to accomplish.

Do you want to have more mental toughness?  If you have read this far, my guess is you do.  Here is what you have to do, to get it.

Whatever it is you are wanting to pursue that will challenge you, you have to start practicing for it.  You have to start challenging yourself and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and get to that point where it is uncomfortable for you.

Once you are there, listen to yourself.  How are you talking to yourself once you are in this state of discomfort? What are you telling yourself?  You have to start creating this scenario for yourself and see how you respond. At the start you will most likely not respond very well. You will shut down sooner than you want to.  However, if you keep doing it over and over you will eventually start to build some mental toughness and push through.

Just remember being uncomfortable for a little while is necessary, it isn’t going to be forever.  As the great Muhammad Ali said: “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”

Practice makes permanent.  If you want to create a scenario of success for yourself, get in the habit of practicing something to create the mental toughness for yourself.  We know that things will be hard.  Especially when you are doing something you have never done, before.  Start preparing yourself today by talking to yourself in a way that helps you push through when things get hard.  The key to your success is how you talk to your self when you are being stretched outside the comfort zone.  Get ready for it now, so you will be prepared.

To your success and your future.

 

 

 

 

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The one tool most leaders are missing from their toolbox

Most leaders are lying to their employees everyday.  Some of the them are doing deliberately, while others don’t even realize it.  And it all comes down to the fact that some..

Well, based off my observations…Most leaders…

Aren’t willing to do the one thing that all leaders must be willing to do, and that is be very candid with their employees.

They lie by telling their employees they are doing a great job and the employee is really not.  Or, they are not telling them anything at all and just ignoring them. By ignoring them they are lying as well.  By saying nothing to the employee the leader is communicating through their actions that they are pleased with the performance.

In both cases the leader is hurting three parties by not telling the employees the truth.  They are hurting the organization, because the organization is paying for an employee that is not meeting expectations.  The leader is hurting themselves, because they are not getting the work that needs to be done, done. More than likely the leader that is unwilling to give the necessary feedback is doing more work and dealing with more headaches, all because they are unwilling to coach the employee the way they need to be coached. And lastly, they are hurting the employee.

In my leadership training and coaching business I ask business owners, managers, executives, leaders, etc., about the behaviors they are seeing or not seeing from employees. Many times, the reason I am meeting with the business owners or leader is because they have some kind of gap in the skills of the people they are looking to get training for.  Hey, I am thankful for this.

However, what I must remind them of is this. Most of the challenges that they are facing is because some leader in the organization, or they themselves are the ones that are unwilling to have the hard conversations to deal with the issues the employee is causing.

The phrase that I use most often with leaders and business owners is “Are you being candid with your employees” or “Are your managers being candid” with their employees.

Many leaders unfortunately tend to ignore bad behaviors altogether and hope that if they ignore an employee long enough they will quit. You also have leaders who are not straightforward enough or candid enough, with the shortcomings of where someone is not meeting expectations. When they speak to the employee about their shortcomings, they do so by watering down what it is that the employee needs to hear. Many times what needs to be said goes unsaid.  Some watered down version of the truth gets communicated and what needs to be heard is rarely said.

The tool that leaders must include in their toolbox is the willingness to be candid with their employees. From business owners to senior leadership, all the way down the line to front line supervisors.  Everyone must be willing to provide the hard feedback when employees or managers are not meeting the expectations.  Until the person understands clearly where they are not meeting expectations, they can never improve their work performance.

I tell business owners all of the time this.  “To be unclear is to be unkind.”  When we are not straightforward and speak with candor with our team members.  We are being unkind. Because they don’t know where they are falling short, which means they don’t know where to improve.  Which means they can’t improve.  You as a leader must be truthful, straightforward, and direct when communicating with employees.  You don’t have to be an ass about it.  That is another blog for another day.  However, we do have to be truthful and candid.

Are you being candid with your team?  Or are you ignoring the shortcomings and just staying frustrated with certain team members on your team or management staff?

The way you fix this is easy.  If you want to learn how to provide the candid feedback that is necessary, contact me at bwillett555@gmail.com and I will share with you the playbook that I use.

To your success and your future.

 

 

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Thankfully, I was saved from myself, and here is how to do it

Unfortunately, we don’t get the luxury of benefiting or learning from something until we have actually fully committed to doing whatever it is we are pursuing.

How often do you really get to try something out to see if it works?  See if it is what you thought it would be?  Or if it is what it was advertised as? Or see if you like it?

Sure there are some things you have the opportunity to do this with, but not every many. Especially not big things or big decisions.  Sure you can take a car overnight to see if you like it.  But you don’t get to keep it for a month.  Sure you could go and rent one for a month, but who really does that.

What about taking a new job with a new company.  You don’t get the luxury of  keeping your current job for a period of time while checking out the new job.  No, you have to gather enough information about the people, the company, the culture, etc., in those few interactions you have during the hiring process.  You then have to make a decision to take the job or not, if you get the job offer.

What about buying a new home or renting a place. You do everything you are supposed to do.  You check out the neighborhood.  You run a check online to see if there are any sex predators that live in the area.  You get the home inspected.  You may even go as far as asking neighbors around the place you are seeking to buy or rent, to see what they think about the neighborhood or place.  No matter what you do, you eventually have to make a decision to purchase or rent the place based on the limited knowledge you have.

You don’t get the opportunity to check the place out for a period of time before you commit to it.  No, instead you have to take your limited knowledge and act and it is usually rushed. The process may not be rushed, but whether or not you want to act, and the final decision is usually rushed.

Let me ask you this:  Have you ever acted, made the decision, and regretted it?

If you answered no.  You are a liar. We all have.  We all have made a decision and once we got in to it we wished we hadn’t.

Have you ever not acted, and then later your decision was confirmed that you made the right decision?

Yes.  We all have.  Sure there is a certain bias that helps you answer yes here today.  You look back on the home, the car, the job, etc., and say.  I knew that it was a bad thing.  I knew I was making the right decision. But did you really know it at the time you had to make the decision?  In some cases you do, but in many cases you have to go with your gut (which is usually right) and make the decision on the limited information you have.

In these scenarios, job, house, car, etc. have you ever known that it wasn’t the right decision or right thing, but you talked yourself into it anyway?

Again, if you answered no.  You are a liar.  Lets be honest you can talk yourself in to anything.  It is really easy to create more reasons to do something that you want to do, buy, have, etc. then create reasons you don’t want to do it. Especially when your heart is set on it.  In your mind you are already in the house, or driving the car, or making more money on the new job.

However, if you really look at it objectively you know that you can’t afford that car payment.  You really aren’t willing to cut out eating out for lunch everyday.  Or you really aren’t willing to cut out your two lattes or pack of cigarettes.  But at the time you tell yourself you are, because you are so emotionally connected to the new car, you are already driving it in your mind.

What about the house.  This is the house you always wanted.  It has the right amount of bedrooms, baths, square feet, etc. However, you talked yourself into the neighborhood.  You talked yourself into the fact that it is really a longer commute to work than you really want.  You tell yourself that you will renovate the kitchen at a later date.

It is amazing how when we really want something to happen we can talk ourselves in to it.  I have done it and you have done it as well. My hope is that I get wiser as I get older and I make better decisions.

However, I was recently in a very expensive, large and lengthy purchase where I originally didn’t think it was the right thing for me, then I talked myself in to it.  Thankfully, through wise counsel and divine intervention the purchase was halted.

The challenge we all face when making these decisions is knowing when to stop pursuing it.  Which sign is the final sign that says to us “walk away” this deal is not for you?

I am not sure I know the answer to this.  Maybe you do, please share if you do.

If it is the house, the car, the new job, or in my case a business.  You have to determine what your absolutes are.  Absolutes are those things that must absolutely exist for you to purchase or take the new job or business.

Absolutes are exactly what you think.  For example:  This house must be in a neighborhood that is within a twenty-minute drive for both my wife and I.  If it is set as an absolute, then you won’t go down any rabbit holes and get yourself in a house that is forty minutes away.

If it is a new job.  An absolute for you may be flexible hours.  When you ask if the job has flexible hours and they tell you. “Well, we can make arrangements as needed”.  Then you have to ask yourself will this job be what you are looking for.

By setting some absolutes for yourself you give yourself guard rails that help you make the right decision and you don’t get in to a situation that you will regret later.

Once you set these absolutes, these guard rails, you have to stay committed to them.  You can’t waiver.  If you waiver on them, this is where you run into trouble. That is where bad decisions are made.

In my recent situation. I had some guard rails, I had some absolutes.  Luckily, I was dealing with people who were more interested in making a process difficult, that it provided me an opportunity to talk myself back out of something that I had talked myself in to.

Think about your next major decision or purchase.  Define your absolutes that must exist for you to make the decision or purchase.  This will set those guard rails in place and hopefully you stay within them and make the best decision.

To your success and your future.

 

 

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This one thing has prevented you from being more successful

Do you know people that always seem to have a excuse for not doing something.  In many cases it is actually something that they need to do or should be doing. Or maybe you don’t know someone and the person is you?

I have been studying people my entire life.  You have as well. Over the last ten years or so, I have had the opportunity to study people in their professional life as well as their personal life.  I have done this through hundreds of interviews with executives, managers, sales people, professionals, blue collar, white collar, etc.  I have studied them in training sessions, coaching sessions, etc., and just spending lots of one on one time with people.

No matter who it is or what they do, they all have this one thing in common that has prevented them from having more success than they currently have.  They all look for one reason or one excuse to not do something, instead of looking for a reason to do whatever it is they should be doing.

Let me clarify this even more. You know the people that tell you I am looking to lose some weight.  They may have started a new running program.  Well, the first day that the weather is bad, they say they can’t go out and run in this kind of weather.  Or the same person, will use a birthday to cheat on their diet, or a weekend, or some other kind of special day.  And we know they use these days as excuses to not do what they said they were going to do.

What about the person, who says, I am going to start budgeting and saving money.  They get all excited, and the first time a little hiccup happens in their life, they use it as an excuse to get off the budget. They justify it by saying I have to have whatever it is they want to spend money on.  It is a necessity.  Is it really?

In a lot of the training I do we conduct them in a time spaced format.  Time spaced is you attend once a week for a few hours for several weeks in a row.  It may be like seven Mondays in a row.   I tell everyone the very first day.  Look, a lot of life can happened over the next few weeks, however, you have already made the commitment and set aside the time and money (unless your employer pays it) to be here. So be here.

What do you think happens over the weeks of the course?  Lets just say if I have fifteen people in the course. I would say on average, five of them will actually graduate with perfect attendance.  About a third.  You can look at that and say, well that is probably right.  That is about average.

And I would agree. But if you want to be average.  Keep doing things to keep you average.  That is what most people do.  Perfect Attendance is a nice addition to your certificate, but what is more important is you learned all of the skills. That is why you are in the course.  Is to learn the new skills. The skills that can help you get to a place you can’t go currently.  Or in some cases, for some people, it is to keep their job.

This post isn’t a rant about people showing up for the course every week.  Although, I could easily turn this in to that.  No, this post is about people who look for an excuse to not do something they should be doing.

Look, I have done it before, and the chances are I may still do it from time to time. However, I am usually aware of it and will try to fix it pretty quickly.

Here is my question for you and my challenge.  Are you the kind of person that looks for an excuse or a reason to not do something you should be doing?  Whatever this thing you should be doing could propel your career, your finances, your health, your success, and give you the life you want.  This one thing you are not doing and you keep giving excuses for, could be the difference in where you are and where you want to be?

My mentor told me this.  He said “success is just a few daily habits repeated every day.  And failure is just a few daily habits repeated everyday. Which habits are you repeating?

To your success and your future.

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The only two ways we actually SEE change!

Have you ever been driving down the highway or a road that you travel pretty frequently, and one day you say to yourself, something looks different about this particular building, something is missing here, this part of the road looks more open, etc.?

After further review, it comes to you that a building was torn down.  A set of trees were cut down, a building was being built and now has a noticeable feature to it.  Or, it could have been a new coat of paint on a building or something of that nature.

It could be any number of things and although some kind of work had been going on for a period of time, you didn’t really notice it until something significant had changed and it caught your attention.

This is how almost everything works doesn’t it.

Lets go back.  What if you knew that a building was being built in a certain area you drive by everyday.  Or, what if you knew they were doing some clearing of some overgrown and even dangerous large trees in a certain area.  We all have known about a certain restaurant coming to our part of town and we know where it will be located. So we drive by it to watch its progress.  My guess is we all have been in these scenarios as well.

In each case, for us to notice, what had to happen?  In the first scenario something significantly different, or a major change had to occur for us to notice something was different.  A building be torn down.  A piece of road that was now cleared.

In the second scenario, we were aware of some change or something different happening.  So we looked for it.

For us to notice change one of two things has to happen.  We either have to be aware that the change is going to happen.  Or the change is so significant or so severe it grabs our attention.   And these two scenarios are no different in our everyday regular life driving down the highway, as well as our regular everyday life in business.

In my business, I coach executives, leaders, directors, managers, etc., on ways they can improve their leadership style to create a more engaged workforce. We all know that the number one reason employees leave a company is determined by the relationship with their immediate manager (Dale Carnegie and Associates, Employee Engagement study; 2012).

So lets look at this for a moment.  If I am an employee and my manager is not a great leader and I am thinking about leaving the company. However, my manager is either directed or decides to make some changes in their leadership style.  As the employee, for me to notice that they have changed. They either must be really different in how they are leading me.  Or, I must be aware that they are looking to change.

Yes.  This is what I am saying here.  This is the only way anybody can notice a change has occurred.

Think about it for a minute.  Have you ever known anyone who decided to lose some weight?  Yes.  We all have.  How do we notice that they decided to lose weight?  What has to happen for us to notice?

Well, just like in the examples above. One of two things has to happen.  They either had to tell us that they were looking to lose weight and we start noticing a change rather quickly.  Depending on how committed they are and what daily habits we notice that they have changed.

Or, after a period of time we can tell just by looking at them, that they look different.  We can see that they have lost weight.  Again, one or the other has to happen. They either let us know that they are on a diet or they lose a lot of weight and we notice it.

Think about people who you might not see everyday.  Lets say you have a friend who decides to go on a diet and they don’t tell you.  Three months go by and you see this friend.  They have been diligently dieting and exercising and they have lost a lot of weight. When you see them after the three months, the change will be pretty extreme and you will notice it. This has most likely happened to all of us at one time or another.

Back to the manager example. What are the chances the manager is going to significantly change?  At least, noticeable change that gets the employee to think that they have turned over a new leaf? Probably pretty slim.  So the only other option is for the manager to let the employee(s) know that they are going to be changing.  Then, to take it a step further and ask the employee(s) on recommendations on what they could change.

Now does this ever really happen in the real world?  Managers asking employees what they need to change?  Well, I have been in lots of organizations and coached lots of people, and I can answer this question with a resounding, No.  Most leaders would never be willing to put themselves out there and ask for help or let people know that they are looking to change.

What is the alternative?  The leader has to hope that they change so significantly that everyone notices it.  Which rarely happens.

What can you do to change this? First, managers must realize that they need to make a change.  This can be done by them. (Rare) Or by the next level of leadership above them.  By realizing a change must happen.  They can then start to set the stage for what has to happen next.

Next thing, get the training that is necessary to be a more effective leader in todays workforce.  You can consult with someone like me to provide a solution that makes sense for your organization and the culture you’re looking to develop.  Once the training is decided on, you have to let everyone in the organization know what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Again, a professional like myself can communicate on how this is done.

Once the training takes place and has been implemented.  The real work begins. Which is the follow-up with the managers and the employees on how it is working.  Getting feedback from the employees as well as following up with the managers who went through the training is critical.  As we stated earlier, everyone will notice the changes, because everyone is aware.  No matter how subtle the changes are, there are still changes happening, and people will notice because they are aware of the changes.

Remember typically the only way we can see change, is when we are aware that change is coming.  Like the restaurant being built or knowing what construction is going to take place.  The only other way is when the change is so extreme or significant that we have no choice to see it.

Let me ask you, does your organization need to see some change?  Do you have managers or leaders that aren’t aware of the changes they need to make, which is resulting in unnecessary turnover or other issues?  If so, reach out to me at brian.willett@dalecarnegie.com and lets see if we have a solution for you.

To your success and your future.

 

 

 

 

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My “Never Quit” list and why I created it

Let me start by prefacing this blog with I don’t believe you should keep doing something that isn’t important.  You have to decide what is important and never quit on those things. In my world I have a few of those “Never Quit” items that I outlined in my self-published book titled 7 Ways to More.

This book turned in to a manifesto for me. Manifesto definition: a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.  It was important for me to do this at the time that I did it, because I was having success and I wanted to document the reasons for that success.   So when things got tough, I could be reminded of what I used to do, and do a gut check and see if I was still doing those things.  It also became a declaration for myself that said these things are the most important things in my life, and I am publicly committing to them forever.

So here are a few of those never quit things:

  • Never quit on your health and fitness
  • Never quit on your personal development and self-education
  • Never quit on the pursuit of fame and fortune, mainly the fortune.
  • Never quit on your friends for life.
  • Never quit on your marriage
  • Never quit on setting and accomplishing goals.
  • Never quit on your family.

This is my never quit list.  If you don’t have a list of never quit items. I would encourage you to create one.  If you don’t draw the line in the sand today, the chances are you will cross that imaginary line tomorrow.  You will do something you don’t want to do, or you will stop doing something that you should do or that is important for you to do.

I was recently scrolling through my news feed on Facebook.  I can’t count how many times I read where someone was re-committing themselves to their health and fitness. They had taken time off from it for whatever reason and was now getting back to it.

Let me first say I have done this before.  Yes.  Way before I ever wrote my book or my list of never quits.  Hence the reason for the writing of the list.

When you quit something you are saying that this is no longer important to me.  You are saying that there are more important things in my life than this (whatever this is) right now. You are also setting yourself up for a very difficult time when you decide to go back to whatever it is as well.  When you quit something for a while it is a hard road back.  One that is full of pain and discipline and regret.  Regret, that you allowed yourself to venture off as far as you did.

I can remember when I slacked for a season or two on health and fitness and then I got back in to it.  I said “never again”.  I will get back in shape again once, and will stay there forever.

After graduating from college with my bachelors of science, I took some time off from my learning.  During that period of time not much happened for me either.  Until, I made the decision to make regular and frequent deposits in my self-education and personal development, I did not grow.

Growth comes from putting ideas in.  For you to have ideas coming out, you must have ideas going in.  I made the decision that I would never ever quit learning again.  And I am not talking about the learning you get on the job.  Most people think that is development.  It can be.  However, development and growth only comes from an intentional movement on your part to grow.

To grow you have to devote time, resources, and be willing to get feedback on your growth.  Most people do none of the three.  They instead think that just because they have been in leadership, sales, or whatever role it is they are in.  And they have successfully lead people who get paid to follow them, they are growing somehow.  You have to make time, spend the money, and get the gift of feedback on how you are doing to actually grow.

To ensure I never quit on the above to aforementioned areas on my never quit list.  I must always be creating, setting and managing my goals.  A goal properly set is half-way accomplished.  Why don’t people accomplish goals?  Because they never set them.  In my health and fitness and my personal development I continue to set goals on a daily and yearly basis.  This one exercise in goal setting is responsible for much of my success I have had up until this point and I know it will be responsible for the success I have in the future.

If you have quit setting goals.  Now is the time to get back to it.  If you do nothing I have suggested in this blog, do this one thing of setting goals in your personal and business life. Things will only get better for you.

Create your “Never Quit” list today.  I don’t know what it is for you, but you must do it today.  You never want to find yourself in a situation where you have to make a decision to not do something that you should be doing, make the decision today and manage it forever.

To your success and your future.

 

 

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