There are a lot of worse things in life, but something that ranks pretty high to me, has to be “Car Problems”. Come on, I have had them and you have had them. And they usually come at the worst times. Like when you really need to get somewhere quickly your car decides to stop working.
I had many times where my car wouldn’t work in my earlier life. It could have been a dead battery, an alternator, or any number of things. And I would blame “it” instead of blaming myself for having the problem in the first place. The problems usually would come from neglecting to do what I needed to do to maintain the car. All cars require a certain level of maintenance to ensure things stay in good working condition. If I would have had my car serviced more frequently, it could have prevented me from a potential problem as well. However at that time in my life, I blamed “it” instead of blaming myself.
And don’t we all know people who do the same things in their life on a daily basis now? They blame the situation, they blame other people, and they blame whatever else they can find to blame, instead of taking ownership themselves.
We all know that a child doesn’t have the maturity level to take ownership of a problem that they may have caused. We don’t expect them to. But how long do we allow them to use this as an excuse? Not very long most likely. The biggest sign of maturity is when a person can take control of their own circumstances and life, good or bad, and say it is my fault or my problem and own it. We tend to respect people who can do this don’t we?
Here is a quick list of “it’s” that people blame:
- It doesn’t pay enough
- It costs too much
- It is not what I expected
- The system (it) is rigged
Have you ever found yourself saying any of the above sentences? I know I have. It took a mentor of mine to come in to my life and set me straight on what I should be saying instead.
When I said “It doesn’t pay enough”, he asked me “Are there other people in my company that were getting paid more? I said, yes, I am sure there are. So he said it is not (the company) that doesn’t pay enough. You just aren’t valuable enough to the company to get paid more.
When I said things “Cost too much.” He said “They don’t cost too much, you just can’t afford them.” Which means you don’t make enough. He said don’t blame it.
When I said. This is not what I expected. He said “What did you expect?” I responded with “I am not sure.” He said “Whose fault is that?”
I said the system is rigged? He said “Is it rigged for everyone?” “Does everyone have the same challenges as you are having?”
In each of the areas above my mentor gave me a different perspective to look at them with. Instead of allowing me to blame “it” he challenged me to think about who was to really blame. Which was myself. Because in each of the above questions, I was trying to take the blame approach instead of taking ownership. He taught me what maturity was.
So let me ask you. Have you made any of the above blame statements before? The chances are you have? I would challenge you to look at the opposite side of the blame, and ask what can “You” do to change the situation.
Once I learned to stop blaming “it” and start asking myself what I can do to control “it”, everything in my life changed. Everything in your life can change too.
To your success and your future.