What we hate says a lot about who we are, what we value, and what we care about. Most people look at the word hate, and say the word is too harsh. It has a negative tone and we shouldn’t use it.
I believe just the opposite. I believe hate can motivate us more than love does. Hate can create more inspiration and motivation for an individual than love. People don’t end world hunger by loving people only. No, these people hate the fact that people are starving and we live in a day and age where this shouldn’t be the case.
You can sum up all of human motivation into two areas: We are either excited to pursue pleasure or avoid pain. And the avoidance of pain has proven over and over and over again, to be a stronger desire than pursuing pleasure.
I was thinking about some of the basic things that really drive me crazy and things I hate more than anything else. The words that kept popping up in my head, are actions or adjectives that no matter what position I have been in life and in my career, they have always drove me crazy and I have always hated them.
These six words are the words that kept popping up.
Complacency: definition: a feeling of calm satisfaction with your own abilities or situation that prevents you from trying harder.
I have watched this disease set in on many people over the years. And I do believe it is a disease. I would go as far as saying that this is probably the number one reason many of us don’t achieve everything in life we could have. I honesty believe everybody wants to do better. I sincerely believe that. However, what happens is that most people don’t seek to find the information first, and then take that information and implement it. Even if you are a person who seeks the knowledge. The action part, which is the harder part of the success equation, is where most people don’t put in the work or discipline.
Where can you take immediate action today?
Blame: definition: place responsibility on something, or someone else, instead of taking personal responsibility.
We all have had that person we know personally; it could be a friend, family member, and we all have definitely worked with someone who refuses to take responsibility and own something. There are times when things can be taken out of our control. However, most of the good things and the bad things that happen in life to us, are because of us. They are a product of our decisions, or lack of decisions. Bad things happen to good people. People get sick, or get an illness. I am not talking about that kind of stuff. I am talking about the other 99.9% of the things in life that you can control.
Be the person who doesn’t place blame today. I won’t either.
Inconsideration: definition: lacking in care or thought for others.
Lets not get this messed up here. Inconsideration can mean a lot of different things. I am not talking about lacking care or thought of others that are in need, sick, live in a country where they are oppressed or under constant war. I think we can all agree that we all care about those things. However those are things that are not in our control.
I am talking more personal here. Things such as being late for a meeting. Not responding to a person that you said you would follow-up with. Someone having a responsibility to follow through on something and they do not. The person who takes a personal call during a meeting. The person who is having a conversation on a speaker phone at Starbucks for everyone to hear. The person who refuses to put their phone down while they are checking out at the store or restaurant. These little things that come up in daily life that demonstrate an inconsideration for others.
Be the person who is considerate of others when conducting business today.
Insincerity: not expressing or showing true feelings
Lets call this what it is. Insincerity is lying. That is what it is. If you are not showing or expressing your true feelings, you are a liar. We all have been guilty of this at some point in our life. And all it does is hurt ourselves and hurt others as well. One of my favorite quotes of all time: “To be unclear is to be unkind.” This means that when we are not expressing our true feelings to others than we are actually hurting them.
I apply this and teach this in my leadership courses. Managers that are unclear about the expectations are bad managers first of all. But the managers who try to sugarcoat a persons shortcomings, is unclear in explaining a persons shortcomings in areas they need to improve, they actually hurt the employee and the company. When you are unclear the person who is falling short doesn’t know and doesn’t have an opportunity to improve. Which means they will continue to perform unsatisfactory until they are told clearly what it is they need to improve.
Other areas include business deals where the parties aren’t interested in moving forward, but wont tell the other side that this is how they feel. All of these things take time and do more harm than good. When we are sincere with others, everything moves forward because everyone knows where they stand.
Who do you need to be more truthful to today?
Uncommitted: definition: This is my own definition: Not “all in” on any particular thing, belief, activity, goal.
I see a lot of people who are committed when they want to be committed. Meaning when things are easy, they are committed. When things get difficult they bail out. I see people who say they want to save money, but spend like they always have. I see people who want to live a healthier lifestyle, but can’t keep the discipline required long enough to get the result they want, and in many cases, any result. Most people either set on the fence and never take a stand, or they make a half-hearted commitment. Which means as long as it doesn’t require too much from them, they will do it. We all know anything worthwhile requires commitment and discipline, especially if it is a new venture for them.
What is an area where you have lacked a full commitment? Go “all in” today.
Arrogance: definition: an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from ignorance. This definition is more specific to what I believe.
When a person who is overweight preaches their version of health and fitness to you, you immediately think to yourself, “really, you haven’t earned the right.” When a person who has been married three times and divorced, wants to give you marriage advice. We all think to ourselves that they may not be the right person to take advice from, regardless if they have learned lessons or not.
Now more than ever we have a culture who believes their opinion and thoughts are better than another persons opinions or thoughts. While I believe we should all have opinion and thoughts on things, and we should express those thoughts. What I strongly hate is when a person believes that their thought or opinion is any more factual than the others.
Secondly, when a person who has an air of arrogance in their opinion when they themselves are not buttoned up in areas of their own life. Like I said above. You have had to earn the right in my opinion. The person who judges someones charitable giving and they themselves aren’t charitable. The leader that thinks they are a great leader when their people can’t stand them. The person who knows it all, but has every little experience in anything at all. All of this is arrogance that hasn’t been earned.
What areas of life have you earned the right to be arrogant in? Areas you haven’t?
As you can see from my short list of things I hate, it is really a values list. Which means, I value the opposite of the above things. However, if you call me uncommitted, I am more driven to prove that you are wrong. If you call me committed, I am thankful, but it is doesn’t push me any harder necessarily. Sometimes we have to look at things from the opposite viewpoint to push us to do things that we want to do.
As I start my day, I am going to look at areas of my life that I may have become a little complacent in. If I look to blame, I am going to take ownership. If I find myself being inconsiderate, I am going to be sure I correct it in the moment. If I am insincere in anything today, I am going to quickly ensure I tell the truth, even if the truth could potentially upset the other person. I know there are areas in my life that I have not gone “all in” and I am going to make sure the areas that are most important to me, I am fully committed in my time, my money, and my focus. And lastly, I am going to be an expert in the areas that I know I am an expert in. I am not going to be arrogant about something that I am not fully educated in, nor experienced in.
To your success and your future.